Ratta Tat Tat

Okay, big decision approaching in the coming months. It involves a LOT of planning, prepping and praying. It's bound to be a trying time with some fairly anxious moments, knowing how I tend to respond to these sort of things. I like knowing that I can plan things out and take things at my own pace when I need to. Ultimately, I'm in for quite an experience. I'm expecting fear, pain, joy, laughter, tears, smiles, love and most of all peace when it's all said and done. More on this to come...

Wedding bells will ring

Another one of my best friends got engaged! Last weekend, my dear friend Nyssa was proposed to in St. Louis over her Spring Break, and I'm super happy for her and her new fiance, who've been together for over a year. I still long to be in a place in my life where I'm the one getting married, but I'm to the point where I am just so happy for my friend and so excited for the shopping, planning and partying, that I'm okay being single in the midst of it all.

with Nyssa at the Coldplay concert, Summer 2009

Change of Heart

I have somehow been incredibly busy the last couple weeks and haven't made time to write. My bad. I'm trying to make a change in some habits of mine that have seemed to spiral out of control in the last four or five months, especially. Mainly, I'm trying to treat myself like I'm worth being loved. I've been treating myself like I'm only worth settling for what isn't good enough for me. I deserve to be loved, and just because I don't have a relationship as a part of my life right now, doesn't mean that I don't deserve one. Of course all of this is easier said than done, but I'm focusing on trying to put myself in positive situations and hold myself and others accountable to treating me the way I deserve to be treated. The balance of holding out for the best and not being closed off to opportunities I may ordinarily ignore is the hard part, but I'm trying to put myself first so that I can keep myself first. I know that I generally put others before myself in relationships, so it really is important to remember that I am valuable and shouldn't be treated otherwise. It may be difficult to say no to the allure of instant gratification, but I just have to keep reassuring myself that it's worth it.

Without a dope beat to step to, step to

Yeah, I know, it's been a long time. Aaaand a lot has changed. Such is the way of life, though, right?! It's been nearly a year and a half since I had a real update here, and I have gone through a ridiculous amount of change between now and then.
So let's start with the things that haven't changed. I still live at home. I still have a job. I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. I still have the same car, and I'm still single and poor.
Now for things that have changed. I have a different job as a middle school teacher's assistant in the public school system here in Fort Wayne. I've thought about becoming a teacher, but now I'm really not so sure that I have the passion for it, so I'm thinking counseling is back at the top of my list of future career goals. Albert Timothy has gone through some tough times but has taken me amazing places including Pittsburgh and Baltimore for my fall break, and Kentucky and Chicago for amazing visits with Jenny. I have gone out with a bunch of potentially great guys that just don't seem to work out.
There are many other things that have changed in my life, but they seem so deep that they can't be lumped together in a "life sure is changing" post. I've been thinking about what I should give up for Lent this year, and while I haven't decided what that will be, I have decided that I'm going to attempt to write more. I used to update nearly daily, and I felt like I had a better hold on my life. Although that may very well have been due to that phase of my life, I think writing has generally helped ground me and keep me collected when dealing with the stress that's out in the open as well as the stress that sneaks up on me unawares. So that's what I'm trying to do this Lenten season.