Another Look Into the Archives

Just another look back at some of my writings from college. It's funny how things in my life are still happening in a similar sort of pattern as they were over five years ago. I feel like a huge transformation started when I started college, and I've had a hard time making the transformation into adulthood post-college. Maybe I have already started the transformation, and I am just in the midst of the change that I can't see the change as it's happening.


Thursday, October 20, 2005

When I walk around on campus at Manchester, all I can do is smile. Even when it's nine in the morning and I am so tired that my eyes are barely open. I pass someone that I know or even someone I've only just seen before, and I can't help but smile. It seems that college has awakened me, and awakened the joy within my soul. But I'm not gonna lie, college has also brought me a great deal of pain...God really has brought me to a place where there are people that are loving and supporting me through the pain and joy of change. So many things are shaping my life and who I am. I don't see all of them as particularly good, but they are definitely not all bad. The things in life that shape who you are going to be are the things that you should pay the most attention to. In the midst of all this change, I'm trying to find who I am and who I want to be.

And the Beat Goes On

Just a snippet of an entry from one of my journals written after my sophomore year at Manchester.

"My undergraduate career is almost half over, and the person that I am now is far from the young lady I was the summer of 2005, and I'm sure that the woman I will become in another two years will be even more different. There's no way that I will be able to predict the woman that I will be when the summer of 2009 rolls around, but I'm sure that it will be full of many more amazing and not so amazing things."

On a night hike at camp the summer after my sophomore year.

I really am so different from the person I was when I graduated from college, but I am still so much the same.
I want the same things that I wanted then. I want to find love; I relish all the time I have with friends; I spend my time trying to share love with people who need to be feeling more love in their lives; I question my future and always want to know more about what's in store for me; I seek to understand before being understood; I find joy in music and fellowship; I find comfort in processing my thoughts and feelings through writing; I think a lot.
I am not in the place that I thought I would be right now, but I am content in where life has chosen to lead me. I have more than I need, but don't have all I desire which keeps me doing my best to find something better.

Friday the Thirteenth

So it's been a while since I've taken the time to write. Mostly because I've been working and looking for a different job. There seems to be nothing and yet so much going on in my life all at the same time. The drama of life doesn't seem to be life changing or anything right now, but there's enough going on that is keeping me thinking and wondering "What if?" I feel like I'm back in college with the choices that I'm being faced with, and yet, my life seems so stagnant and unmoving. I'm still wanting those written directions on what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I don't think that kind of thing just shows up in the mail. So for now I'm trying things I might not normally try, but I'm being wary of guarding my heart and my future.

Work hard, Play hard

I've found myself trying to do a lot of planning for the days that I have off work. I want to get the most out of the time I have to myself, especially now that the time is winding down where my best friends will be close enough to visit in an hour's drive. Having two days off in a row is definitely helpful, but often I find that the time is just not enough. I want to have time to have fun with my friends but I also need time to recuperate from working hard and playing hard.

Jiminy Cricket

I know that it really is a good thing to have a conscience and all, but sometimes it seems a little harsh. I mean, I know the difference between right and wrong, but why does my body go all crazy on me when I chose to do something wrong? Does this happen to everyone, or just me?

Girl time

I am so incredibly excited to reconnect with all my girls at the Chet this weekend! I have been needing some girl time lately, and I'm just so done with the stress of my life right now. Things are changing in my life, and it's clear that it's about time for that.

Inspired Again

Distance haunts
Doubt condemns
Insecurity abounds
Tears swell
Words calm
Smiles comfort
Hope renewed