Christmas JOY

Joy, unspeakable joy, rises in my soul, never lets me go! Joy, unspeakable joy, an overflowing well, no tongue can tell!

Put it in writing...

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Luke 11: 5-10
And he said to them, 'Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, "Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him." And he answers from within, "Do not bother me; the door had already been locked, and my children are in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything." I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
'So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone you asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

Knock and keep knocking. God is relentless with us. Be relentless with God.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noah
Moses
Jonah
and so many more...

We keep messing up as humans. I thought following the law was what God had called me to do, and when I failed at that, I thought I was so far from God that I didn't deserve to be near Him. I had so wronged God that I should be punished- I knew better and did it anyway! BUT, that says that my sin is bigger than God. NOT TRUE! That says that I'm better at being bad, that my bad is mightier than God's GOOD. NOT TRUE! God's GRACE is GREATER than my sin!

C is for Cookie

Share it Maybe

Check out this video...it's A-MAY-ZING! Also, to the guy playing the drum to the right of Cookie in the band scene: Call me, maybe?

JOHN 14:27

I'm leaving you well and whole, That's my parting gift to you. Peace. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left - feeling abandoned, bereft. So don't be upset. Don't be distraught.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

I am leaving with you a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. [Stop allowing yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled.]

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.

Putting a bird on it

3/29/11: Okay, big decision approaching in the coming months. It involves a LOT of planning, prepping and praying. It's bound to be a trying time with some fairly anxious moments, knowing how I tend to respond to these sort of things. I like knowing that I can plan things out and take things at my own pace when I need to. Ultimately, I'm in for quite an experience. I'm expecting fear, pain, joy, laughter, tears, smiles, love and most of all peace when it's all said and done. More on this to come...

6/18/12: I finally went through with that big decision on Friday, May 25, 2012. I had planned and planned, and finally, all the pieces to the puzzle finally fit into place.


Yep, that's right, I, Kacie Gauby, got a tattoo.

For many people who've known me since I was a child, it's a surprise, but for others, it's just another part of me being me. If I learned anything about myself in college, it was that I am inexplicably me. No one can be precisely who I am, and no one can come from exactly where I've come from. It's daunting and exhilarating all at once to come face to face with that, but it's so true, and it's been something I'm trying to hold onto and embrace.

So, the tattoo. I want to write out what it means, because inevitably, I am asked what it stands for, and I tend to underemphasize what it really is all about. And if this doesn't really make sense, well, it's really more for me than anything, so...sorry.

My dove is a symbol of my faith. Peace. The Holy Spirit. The Olive branch. God's promise. Prayer. Guidance. Pain. Rest. Fear. Strength. Community. Love. Family. Simplicity. Anointing. Faithfulness.

Dog days of summer

Summer break has started, and I've been reveling in the freedom from middle school with one of the greatest dogs on the planet. One downside is that he hates going out, so I have to push him off the deck to make sure he does his business so that I can go about my day, running errands, stopping by the shop, or just enjoying some time on the couch watching TV. At the end of this week I'll be off to another house to watch the giant dog and the snorter. A pug and a mastiff...such an odd couple, to say the very least, but they are quite low-key for the most part.
At the approach of the summer, my goals were to get a bit healthier (maybe drop some pounds or a pant size), find a job to make some more money, and take some time to enjoy the sunshine and lower stress levels of summer. With that said, I'm not really sure that dogsitting counts as a summer job, but at least it's a bit more income for me at the moment.
I now have a week of the summer packed full of high school students in a place that means so much to me. I'm going to be counseling for a week at the summer camp I went to while I was in high school. I'm looking forward to being back but know it's not going to be the same or as easy as it has been in the past. I'm continually reminded that life is more difficult now, but I'm hoping to be reassured that it is all worthwhile!

Beauty is as beauty does...

I know that I'm a beautiful person, but I don't always feel that way physically. I've been chubby since third grade, and since then I have always thought that boys won't like me because I'm not skinny. I do realise that any guy that is not interested in me for that one reason is not the kind of guy that I want to be with, but it's still not a great thing for my self-esteem. I really love the person that I am inside, but it's harder for me to have the same kind of love for what I am on the outside. I know that God made me in his image and without mistakes, so that hurts me even more to feel like I'm not good enough because of my size. I'm just glad I have friends who are always supportive and encouraging.

Ratta Tat Tat

Okay, big decision approaching in the coming months. It involves a LOT of planning, prepping and praying. It's bound to be a trying time with some fairly anxious moments, knowing how I tend to respond to these sort of things. I like knowing that I can plan things out and take things at my own pace when I need to. Ultimately, I'm in for quite an experience. I'm expecting fear, pain, joy, laughter, tears, smiles, love and most of all peace when it's all said and done. More on this to come...

Wedding bells will ring

Another one of my best friends got engaged! Last weekend, my dear friend Nyssa was proposed to in St. Louis over her Spring Break, and I'm super happy for her and her new fiance, who've been together for over a year. I still long to be in a place in my life where I'm the one getting married, but I'm to the point where I am just so happy for my friend and so excited for the shopping, planning and partying, that I'm okay being single in the midst of it all.

with Nyssa at the Coldplay concert, Summer 2009

Change of Heart

I have somehow been incredibly busy the last couple weeks and haven't made time to write. My bad. I'm trying to make a change in some habits of mine that have seemed to spiral out of control in the last four or five months, especially. Mainly, I'm trying to treat myself like I'm worth being loved. I've been treating myself like I'm only worth settling for what isn't good enough for me. I deserve to be loved, and just because I don't have a relationship as a part of my life right now, doesn't mean that I don't deserve one. Of course all of this is easier said than done, but I'm focusing on trying to put myself in positive situations and hold myself and others accountable to treating me the way I deserve to be treated. The balance of holding out for the best and not being closed off to opportunities I may ordinarily ignore is the hard part, but I'm trying to put myself first so that I can keep myself first. I know that I generally put others before myself in relationships, so it really is important to remember that I am valuable and shouldn't be treated otherwise. It may be difficult to say no to the allure of instant gratification, but I just have to keep reassuring myself that it's worth it.

Without a dope beat to step to, step to

Yeah, I know, it's been a long time. Aaaand a lot has changed. Such is the way of life, though, right?! It's been nearly a year and a half since I had a real update here, and I have gone through a ridiculous amount of change between now and then.
So let's start with the things that haven't changed. I still live at home. I still have a job. I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up. I still have the same car, and I'm still single and poor.
Now for things that have changed. I have a different job as a middle school teacher's assistant in the public school system here in Fort Wayne. I've thought about becoming a teacher, but now I'm really not so sure that I have the passion for it, so I'm thinking counseling is back at the top of my list of future career goals. Albert Timothy has gone through some tough times but has taken me amazing places including Pittsburgh and Baltimore for my fall break, and Kentucky and Chicago for amazing visits with Jenny. I have gone out with a bunch of potentially great guys that just don't seem to work out.
There are many other things that have changed in my life, but they seem so deep that they can't be lumped together in a "life sure is changing" post. I've been thinking about what I should give up for Lent this year, and while I haven't decided what that will be, I have decided that I'm going to attempt to write more. I used to update nearly daily, and I felt like I had a better hold on my life. Although that may very well have been due to that phase of my life, I think writing has generally helped ground me and keep me collected when dealing with the stress that's out in the open as well as the stress that sneaks up on me unawares. So that's what I'm trying to do this Lenten season.

Another Look Into the Archives

Just another look back at some of my writings from college. It's funny how things in my life are still happening in a similar sort of pattern as they were over five years ago. I feel like a huge transformation started when I started college, and I've had a hard time making the transformation into adulthood post-college. Maybe I have already started the transformation, and I am just in the midst of the change that I can't see the change as it's happening.


Thursday, October 20, 2005

When I walk around on campus at Manchester, all I can do is smile. Even when it's nine in the morning and I am so tired that my eyes are barely open. I pass someone that I know or even someone I've only just seen before, and I can't help but smile. It seems that college has awakened me, and awakened the joy within my soul. But I'm not gonna lie, college has also brought me a great deal of pain...God really has brought me to a place where there are people that are loving and supporting me through the pain and joy of change. So many things are shaping my life and who I am. I don't see all of them as particularly good, but they are definitely not all bad. The things in life that shape who you are going to be are the things that you should pay the most attention to. In the midst of all this change, I'm trying to find who I am and who I want to be.

And the Beat Goes On

Just a snippet of an entry from one of my journals written after my sophomore year at Manchester.

"My undergraduate career is almost half over, and the person that I am now is far from the young lady I was the summer of 2005, and I'm sure that the woman I will become in another two years will be even more different. There's no way that I will be able to predict the woman that I will be when the summer of 2009 rolls around, but I'm sure that it will be full of many more amazing and not so amazing things."

On a night hike at camp the summer after my sophomore year.

I really am so different from the person I was when I graduated from college, but I am still so much the same.
I want the same things that I wanted then. I want to find love; I relish all the time I have with friends; I spend my time trying to share love with people who need to be feeling more love in their lives; I question my future and always want to know more about what's in store for me; I seek to understand before being understood; I find joy in music and fellowship; I find comfort in processing my thoughts and feelings through writing; I think a lot.
I am not in the place that I thought I would be right now, but I am content in where life has chosen to lead me. I have more than I need, but don't have all I desire which keeps me doing my best to find something better.

Friday the Thirteenth

So it's been a while since I've taken the time to write. Mostly because I've been working and looking for a different job. There seems to be nothing and yet so much going on in my life all at the same time. The drama of life doesn't seem to be life changing or anything right now, but there's enough going on that is keeping me thinking and wondering "What if?" I feel like I'm back in college with the choices that I'm being faced with, and yet, my life seems so stagnant and unmoving. I'm still wanting those written directions on what I'm supposed to do with my life, but I don't think that kind of thing just shows up in the mail. So for now I'm trying things I might not normally try, but I'm being wary of guarding my heart and my future.

Work hard, Play hard

I've found myself trying to do a lot of planning for the days that I have off work. I want to get the most out of the time I have to myself, especially now that the time is winding down where my best friends will be close enough to visit in an hour's drive. Having two days off in a row is definitely helpful, but often I find that the time is just not enough. I want to have time to have fun with my friends but I also need time to recuperate from working hard and playing hard.

Jiminy Cricket

I know that it really is a good thing to have a conscience and all, but sometimes it seems a little harsh. I mean, I know the difference between right and wrong, but why does my body go all crazy on me when I chose to do something wrong? Does this happen to everyone, or just me?

Girl time

I am so incredibly excited to reconnect with all my girls at the Chet this weekend! I have been needing some girl time lately, and I'm just so done with the stress of my life right now. Things are changing in my life, and it's clear that it's about time for that.

Inspired Again

Distance haunts
Doubt condemns
Insecurity abounds
Tears swell
Words calm
Smiles comfort
Hope renewed

Thankfulness

I am thankful for many things at this point in my life, but I think I'm going to focus on the things that I need to be more thankful for.

I have a car that runs and is reliable. I have a place to call home. I have people surrounding me everywhere who I know love me very much. I am never really alone when dealing with the stuggles of this life. I have a job that will help me get a start on paying off my student loans, and it's giving me experience in my field. I have hobbies that help me unwind and friends that let me blow off steam.

This year I am thankful for everything that I've been blessed with in the last 23 years.

Lily and me

So this is my housemate for now. Lily and I mostly just chill and go on the occasional walk, and Lil usually naps while I go to work in Waynedale. It's been pretty lonely around the house, but it's been nice to see friends from the Chet and hang out with church people who have been kind enough to have me over without my parents. It is definitely nice to have a job now, not only to have some income, but also to have social contact and to get me up and going in the morning. I miss being able to go down the hall or even down the road to chat with friends, but it has made me value the connections that I do have in my life. I'll be ready for Mom to get back, though. It's rough just cooking for one.